After separating from my husband people had opinions on everything. But mostly other women told me they were afraid of the moment a new woman would enter their kids lives. Being a child of divorced parents myself, I never worried about that. As you know I count myself lucky that the husband has a nice girlfriend, who likes my kids and who likes me. I know it could be very different…
Every kids-free week, I spend one afternoon with the kids to half the time until we live together again. In general we do something nice like go for cake or read books or play games. Yesterday the kids and I went to a store where we looked at toys they could write on their Christmas wish list. After that we went to Vapiano where the kids had pizza and pasta. We chatted for a while and also talked about The Husbands Girlfriend (shortly THG). As my kids feelings are very important to me, we talked about whether it was ok for them that they had two homes. Surfer Dude immediately said that that was fine. Princess girl started to say: “I would love…” and I expected her to say “I would love for all of us to live together.” But instead she said: “I would love for you and THG to be my Mummies. I really really really really like her!*”
And suddenly it was there. That panic my friends had talked about. I felt sucker punched in my belly and even now when I write that I feel like crying (ok, there are actually a couple of tears running down my face but that might also be because it is 6 am and haven’t been able to sleep for the last 1,5 hours…).
I swallowed and thought:”Quick, think! Stay positive.” While I felt like jumping up, running around like crazy, waving my arms around and screaming: “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, but you are MINE!!!!! I AM YOUR MOTHER!!! You were in my belly, I felt you move, I gave birth to you, I fed you, I held you when you were sick, I hold you when you cry, I wipe your bum, I love you so much it hurts!”
But on the outside, I calmly breathed in and out, took a sip from my wine and said: “That’s great honey, we are lucky that your Daddy has such a nice girlfriend we all like, and that likes you so much as well! But I am your Mummy. She can be your THG (obviously I said her name).” Surfer Dude added: “She is our stepmum!” Princess girl looked up, smiled and said: “Yes, our stepmum.” And I nodded in agreement. I asked her if she had told THG that she really really really liked her, and she said: “No, I didn’t dare.” I then encouraged her to tell her when she feels like it, cause I can imagine that THG would be very happy to know that my favourite girl likes her loads.
New situations sometimes need some getting used to.
*She actually used a German word that is very hard to translate into English, it is more than like but a little less than love. The dictionary translates it with “being fond of”, but I think that is not strong enough.