If you have followed my blog for a while, you’ll know that I tend to make new years resolutions, which I then discuss in my blog a year later (see 2011, 2012 and 2013). At the end of last year the husband and I separated and frankly I was not in the state to sit down and think about my new years resolutions. Nevertheless I thought about my 2014 now and want to share it with you…
I recently learned that we are living in the Chinese year of the horse. Apparently this means that everything is turned up-side-down and there are lots of changes. When I look at the past year, this is exactly what happened around me – couples separated, friendships ended, old friends came back, new jobs, new pregnancies, new babies, new moves, etc. Hang on just a little longer – the turmoil will be over soon…the year of the goat is just around the corner and with this everything will settle again.
- As you know, I love to eat and always try to lose weight. Most people lose weight after a separation – obviously I am the exception – you may congratulate me on gaining weight over the past year. Yeah me. This obviously needs to change in 2015, and I plan to start every minute now. Hm, maybe I shouldn’t just have eaten that chocolate cake.
- I quickly learned that most people are free to meet on Saturdays but Sundays are a different story. I spent one of the first Sundays in spring when the kids were with their Dad walking around for hours through the Viennese Prater, listening to music, feeling very lonely and literally crying my eyes out. Meanwhile I am better at being alone, although I still tend to plan something every night I am without kids, which leaves me tired all the time.
- I got my driver’s license when I was 17 and had a little 4 seater which I proudly drove around Vienna packing more girls in than humanly possible. When I met the husband at the sweet age of 19, it naturally happened that we took his car more often than mine and after a while I stopped driving. Every time I wanted to drive again I got stomach cramps and started hyperventilating. This resulted in me not driving for the last 14 years. After the separation the husband nicely offered me to use his car when the kids are with me, probably thinking I wouldn’t use it. But after doing the trip to and from hockey training two times a week with two kids and all their bags in public transport for a couple of weeks, I quickly got over my fear and started driving again. Since then we went on holidays by car, I even drove up a mountain in pouring rain (and down again) and I drove in the snow. And I only had one tiny, little accident…
- When living together with another person both make compromises. Which is great. But now that I live by myself (at least part-time and kind of for the first time in forever), I started to decorate the apartment the way I want to. It is colorful and girly with lots of photos on the walls and might be too much for a lot of people, but I love it and it is my home.
- I also finally got my balcony, which was added to the house just before the summer, which I love and frequently use.
- I started doing things around the house, which I never did before, like hanging up a mirror or changing light bulbs. There is no need to look behind the mirror though – it looks great from the front…
- I ran 10 k – ok I admit it was only once and I ran because I was so mad, but still…
- I traveled to the Netherlands by myself to visit friends and I finally went to Berlin, which has been on my list for ages.
- I wanted to find a job that I love and that fulfills me – and I did. And although I have to get used to working a full-time job and being a Mum, I am sure everything will settle in the year of the goat.
- I learned to let go of an image. I am not as great a housewife as the husband is. I love having people around but I just don’t love to prepare food for hours and make small hors d’oeuvre. Who cares? Everyone is as happy with ham and cheese rolls or pizza, as long as we have fun and are together.
- The husband and I had the courage to end a relationship in which we were unhappy and continue as friends and parents. I am very proud of the way we get along and the way we handle everything with our kids, who are happy and feel loved.
- I met and kissed different guys and had some great and some less great experiences. I now know there is more out there and I am looking forward to fall in love again.
- I took up writing again and although I don’t have as much time with the new job as I did before I will keep writing, cause I love doing it and I love to entertain people.
- I often heard women cut their hair after a break-up. I have to admit that my hair is very important to me and although I thought about cutting it often over the past year, I needed the security the long blond hair gave me. In December I was finally ready and made the cut and although many say it is still long, it now is 25 cm (10 inches) shorter, which was a big step for me.
Over the past year I came to appreciate friendships and sisterhood even more. I want to thank my girls who have always had my back and who were with me this past year. The girls who I can call at 6 am when I lie awake because of a panic attack again, who laugh with me so hard that I nearly pee my pants, who cry with me, who show me what I achieved, who – even when they live on the other side of Austria (Europe or the world) – are always there for me. I love you – even when you scare of guys because you think they are not good for me (and ok, you might have been right on that one)…
For 2015 I will not make resolutions, but instead I will put up a glass jar to collect reminders of great things that happen to me and that I make happen over the next year.
To new beginnings. I am ready. Bring it on.